Dear Dr. Jory,
In your book, you told a story about a man whose deceased wife talked to him as an angel. My husband died from a rare illness three years ago, and my husband talks to me, too. It’s not every day or every week, but every few weeks he shares a laugh with me, gives me advice, or reminds me of a happy memory. I won’t say he’s an angel or that his voice rings out to others, but I definitely hear him inside my head, talking with his distinct voice in complete sentences.
I’ve never told any of my friends or family about this, not even the man I am dating now, as I feel it’s a private, intimate experience I share with a man I still love and always will. I don’t really have a question, I just wanted to thank you for that story. It made me realize I’m not alone and I’m not crazy.
Signed, Grateful He’s Still Checking In
Dear Grateful,
I’ve counseled hundreds of people through the loss of someone they love, and I’ve heard this more times than I can count. I am always touched by the courage of those who hang on to someone they love in a way that is meaningful to them. We tend to “move on” too quickly and easily in modern culture, and it’s a triumph of the human spirit to respect the unseen aspects of life and death. So I love your message.
I teach about dying, grief, and loss. I tell my students not to throw scientific knowledge at people who are left behind. Science can tell us a lot, but there’s a lot about life and death that science doesn’t understand. I hope you’ll tell your husband what I had to say and pass along my best wishes.
— Dr. Jory
Do you have a burning question about intimacy, sex, or relationships?
Send Brian Jory, Ph.D. your question via Facebook Messenger or through this contact form for a chance to have it answered in the Dear Dr. Jory advice column series. Submissions will remain anonymous; your real name will not be used.
About Brian Jory, Ph.D.
Brian Jory is the Director of the Family Studies Program at Berry College, near Atlanta, Georgia, USA, and has dedicated his career to counseling couples, teaching about intimacy, researching relationships.
He is the author of “Cupid on Trial – What We Learn About Love When Loving Gets Tough,” and has been featured on numerous television shows, blogs, and podcasts including Bustle, Romper, Elite Daily, NBC, PBS, and Good Sex, Bad Sex.
