Dear Dr. Jory,
Last week my boyfriend from college messaged me on Facebook. I was shocked because we broke up over ten years ago. He’s married now, with two kids, but he wants to know if we can be friends. I was married briefly, but am single now, as my ex turned out not to be the man he presented himself as (that’s a whole other story).
My former boyfriend is coming to my city on business in a few days and wants me to meet him for drinks and dinner. For old time’s sake and to catch up. I still have feelings for him after all these years and would love to connect with him again. Am I a fool to say yes?
Signed, Wondering If Maybe
You didn’t say why you and your college sweetheart broke up ten years ago, but there was a reason. I’ll bet that reason is still there and it’s as valid as ever.
Try to remember why it didn’t work out between you the first time around, then take a brave breath and stare that reason down. I warn you, the reason is still lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce again. And this time there’s a wife and two kids in the shadows, too. His wife probably doesn’t know about you, but she’s counting on you to say no.
Do yourself and his wife a favor: keep things simple and plan a fun night without the ex-boyfriend and the potentially-destructive drama.
— Dr. Jory
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About Brian Jory, Ph.D.
Brian Jory is the Director of the Family Studies Program at Berry College, near Atlanta, Georgia, USA, and has dedicated his career to counseling couples, teaching about intimacy, researching relationships.
He is the author of “Cupid on Trial – What We Learn About Love When Loving Gets Tough,” and has been featured on numerous television shows, blogs, and podcasts including Bustle, Romper, Elite Daily, NBC, PBS, and Good Sex, Bad Sex.